"Baby Jack"

"The Dance" by Garth Brooks

My cousin Gina decided to take matters into her own hands and call and speak to the office. After speaking to the office and pleading with them to understand the emotional pain that I was in. They reluctantly agreed to juggle their schedule and get me in for the next day.

I spent the entire night locked in my bedroom listening to Garth Brooks “The Dance” on repeat. As I lay curled up in a ball on the floor and listened to the lyrics “For a moment all the world was right. How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye. And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end the way it all would go” I began to sob.

Miscarriage Continued

The ultrasound technician squeezed gel on to my stomach, this time it was warm. She then placed the wand on my belly and started to glide it over my stomach. As I strained my neck to see the monitor I looked but could not see anything. Finally I saw an empty circle. I was really worried by this point. I asked, what is that? She replied that is your sac. I then said in an extremely nervous voice. Where is my baby! She said nothing. I asked again where is my baby, she stated again that is your sac. You already told me that is my sac. Why are you not telling me where my baby is? She said that my doctor would review the ultrasound and call me with the results. I left the appointment bewildered but still held out hope that everything would be okay.
Hours went by as I waited by the phone for the call from my doctor’s office. Finally he called and told me I did not have a baby growing inside of me. I asked him what you mean. He said that the baby must have died a long time ago and that is why I could not see it or I was not pregnant at all my body just thought I was. He informed me that I would need a D&C. I was told that someone from his office would call me back to schedule it with me. Again I was left to wait. When they finally called back the earliest they could schedule me was for Monday afternoon. It was Thursday. I was devastated and the thought of carrying my baby inside of me for the entire weekend was too much to bear.

Baby Jack

Pregnant and Bleeding

I sadly got up and left his office. I was very disappointed I really wanted to hear the heartbeat of the baby whom I had grown to love. Two weeks later on a Wednesday I began to bleed. I called the office mid afternoon told the receptionist that I was bleeding. She took my name and number said she would talk with the doctor and call me back. I decided to lie down; thinking maybe if I just stayed off my feet the bleeding would stop. Finally around 4:30 p.m. the office called me back and told me that they scheduled me an appointment to have an ultrasound for the following day at 2 p.m.

Although I was nervous and worried I was also very excited to be able to see my baby for the first time. I did not get any sleep that night. The next day, a Thursday, I drank the required 32 ounces of water as per my doctors instructions so that the ultrasound tech would be able to properly see the baby. I had asked my cousin Gina to join me for the visit so that she too could see the baby. I was worried but I convinced myself that everything was going to be okay. The bleeding had subsided a little so surely that was a good sign, or so I thought.

Ryan and Mommy

Pregnant

I called to schedule my first doctor’s appointment. I was told that I could not be seen until I was at least six weeks pregnant. Two and a half more weeks seemed like a long time to wait. But they told me this was standard practice so I setup the first visit. The days seemed to creep slowly by.

Finally the day of my appointment was here. I arrived on time only to find that I would need to wait some more. I would soon find out that you should never schedule your OB visit on a Monday morning. This was the time they reserved for patients that had problems over the weekend to be seen by the doctor. Finally they called my name. I was taken into a cold sterile room, and in that room I was left to wait some more. Only now I found myself undressed and cold. When the doctor made his way in he said a quick hello ask a few questions, preformed a yearly exam and sent me on my way. He told me I should come back in four weeks. Four weeks are you kidding me. He was not.

On my second visit I was seen in a more timely fashion. However, the doctor I found to be not really friendly and very rushed. I am not even sure he remembered who I was or why I was there. He looked at my chart. Lifted his head and looked up at me. So your about nine weeks pregnant he said. Well let’s see if we can hear the heartbeat. He proceeded to rub very cold gel on my stomach then he gilded a Doppler over my belly. Immediately you could hear a loud whooshing sound. He continued to glide the Doppler over my stomach pausing with a bewildered look. But still not saying a word, I looked at him puzzled and asked “What is wrong” he replied nothing…You may not be as far along as we think. Come back in four weeks and we should be able to hear the heartbeat.